Nobody's fault but mine

[Christine Daye]

Christine blinks slowly. She'd forgotten the limitless nature of Kira's curiosity.

"Alas, no... for Iolanthe I have only read reviews... though I am quite itching to get my hands on the score at some point soon!"

She tilts her head, considering.

"...as for Maestra... she has not expressed any preference as such... but I am sure she would enjoy it.... did you not know that she too has a musical upbringing?"

She looks guilty at Kira's concern.

"....oh... no... please, don't trouble yourself... I am healing well, according to Dr Trelevan... it is just a matter of time... as I'm sure you know... I hope that you are completely recovered yourself now!"

The talk of Paris relaxes her.

"...I have not been to Paris since I was young... but what I remember of it was wonderful... hmmm... let me think... it is difficult sometimes to get news of music from abroad... especially as I do not speak French beyond a few words and arias... but honestly... I am sure that should we venture there in search of excellent music we will find it aplenty! Or maybe I should ask Miss Audley to keep her eyes and ears open... I understand she goes there often for the fashion... oh... and Mr Price!"

She giggles.

"...practically the very first words he said to me were about Wagner... and then I got into a very civilised and pleasant argument with him about Mozart... or was that the Oak...? Anyway, Mr Price is very fond of music."

A faint frown as she reviews her words about going into seclusion.

"...oh... I did not mean to worry you! All is well... all will be well... and no... this is my choice... fear not on that account! As for my tour... well... these things take a while to plan... and so far the tour exists only as the vaguest of thoughts... but when the music comes... the rest will follow... it always does! But I shall start at the Ceryneian for sure."

She hums to herself for a moment, idly. It's something she does unconsciously, as easily as breathing.

...and nothing else matters...

Then:

"...oh... you are quite the poet, Mr Kai! It is a shame that you were not at the party... we had a lovely poetry reading from so many Kindred... and not that excessive amounts of naughty limericks... though to be fair, they were very amusing... even Sissy Face gifted us with sonnets! I was impressed, though I can't help but feel that they were not his own work... or if they are he is hiding considerable talent! Do you write?"

She frowns again at Kira's third refusal, weighing up what to say. Then, hesitantly:

"Mr Kai... forgive my plainness. But... for my kind... to be under obligation is not something that we desire... in all things... we desire balance.... but... as you have said thrice... I shall take you at your word that you see no debt... and I shall view it the same... but for the sake of my own self... I wish to gift you a piece of information..."

She hums again for a moment.

...lavender's blue dilly dilly... lavender's green...

"...a name... Lottie... given to a girl child... the pet of the nurses and warders in Maudlin... those many, many years ago..."

She looks worriedly at Kira, her voice soft.

"...I would value a friendship between us too..."

[LittleBird]

"I do recall, she told me how she used to perform on the stages of the world, and having the honour to hear both your voices entwine in song, we can easily see why." Kira beams, "How is your Maestra? You are very fortunate to have such a closeness to another, yet now you speak as if pure talks of your shared passions are too far for you to grasp? Why can't you merely ask her? She has alot on her plate, of course, but that has not stopped her before has it?"

Kira nods and again appears ever more at ease at the confirmation of the singers well being.

this is my choice... fear not on that account!

"Do not apologise for our own worries Christine, there is no need too," she beckons Christine to the waters edge, watching their flowers float along, as if floating along the stars, "Glad tis of your own accord, that is as it should always be." she breathes brightly, "What thoughts imagined are the overture to such tours plans? ... the Ceryneian? Hmm,"

"Did you too write poems that evening? Sissy Face wh-?" Kira blinks in confusion and then chuckles, finally getting it "Oh! oh him, yes, it wouldn't surprise me if those were his own words, he has enough time to compose plenty. Who elses written prose surprised or impressed you?"

"Some times I write yes, but I prefer to write notes for my violin then for myself-does not mean I have not tried though-you did put on quite on the spot for Valentina's limerick by the way my dear," she wrinkles her nose in a playful dramatic pout before a chuckle emits over the pose.

"And I have-more times than a Wagarian opera-repeated the words that there is no obligation to be had-yet you seem near obsessed at the thought of such ties." she speaks in manner close to sing song, but holds her hands out submissively once more, "please, do not fret, there are no power plays to be had here, I promise to you,"

Kira blinks at the offer of a gift of information and as the singer hums, Kira cannot help but finish the lyrical phrase, "When you are King dilly, dilly, I'll be your Queen" she sings softly, her hand slipping from her a deep chestnut ringlet to the necklace on her heart. And as her pure tone slips away into the night, her mind is unconscious to the tiniest change to the lyrics her lips have parted.

"That is hardly new information my dear, but thank you none the less. I gathered that from the party and paired from that time in Court. But yes, Lottie," she nods, "the pet or dress up doll to the motherly matrons, that's I." she turns her body further to face Christine. "Now, do continue on this thread as you wish but first, I-I must say-"

"I did not lie or speak half truths that night when I stated that I did not hold any recollections-we have gone through all the memories of my time there, past that stage almost a year ago now, and I do not recall you Miss Daae," Kira lowers her head, yet beneath the shadows her eyes take a bloodshot glaze, she swallows and pushes her own unknowing guilt aside, trying to keep her words as plain as possible, this is not about herself after all.

"My apologies," her voice is low to disguise the fact she clears her throat before hand, she continues as before, spraying her hands openly, "that cannot be easy to hear. That little girl has changed a lot, those memories of the past in Maudlin have a near non existent hold on me now, but that does not mean I don't put weight on their effect on others-or on you." she nods slowly, her eyes searching the singer, "I do, and as sure as I sit before you now, I wish you to know, that I am sorry for any doing that caused you ill during our time in Maudlin,"

Kira's brow gently furrows then rises in a soft bittersweet acknowledgement, "Thank you, that means a lot to hear."

[Christine Daye]

Another frown. This was... difficult. The conversation felt like it was at cross-purposes, two voices trying to harmonise, but yet not quite managing it. They've not found a common key yet - that had to be it.

Christine takes a deep breath, sings softly, soothing herself. Memories of the night before coming to her mind, prompting a soft and happy smile.

"...I sit by the harbour... the sea calls to me... I dive in the water... but I need to breathe... you are an ocean wave my love... crashing at the prow... I am a galley slave my love... someday I'll find a way... to sail you... maybe I'll just stow away..."

"Maestra is very well, thank you. I shall pass on your compliments."

She stands back from the water's edge, obviously a bit nervous of the water. Unsurprisingly so - in her heavy skirts she would sink in moments.

"...hmmm... the tour? What made me think of it? I really don't know... perhaps it came to me in a dream..."

She smiles gently.

"...oh... yes... I gave two sonnets that night... and I have mentioned Mr Price already, with his limericks.... who else...? Captain Rackham... Miss Audley... Mrs Jackdaw... Sissy Face... and... Maestra..."

Another dreamy smile, quickly washed away in chagrin.

"...oh! I am terribly sorry about putting you on the spot with the limerick! You did wonderfully though! I was very impressed!"

She nods acknowledgement. No obligation, understood. Still she folds her hands, stands quietly and calmly. So Kira's finishing of the phrase of Lavender's Blue does nothing more than make her blink in surprise. Is she catching my madness? I knew it was contagious... but not so easily! Surely not... She shakes her head.

"...um..." she murmurs, pitched to Kira's ears. "Mr Kai... that it a lovely... falsetto... that you have there..." Unspoken, a gentle reminder of Kira's current, personal masquerade.

At Kira's reverie, the Malkavian just watches, the music in Christine's head swelling, spilling unconsciously from her lips.

"...siúil go doras agus éalaigh liom..."

Calmness. Faith.

Then yet more confusion before the penny drops, and Christine gives a soft huff of laughter.

"...oh! Oh... you are very kind... but you misunderstand me... I told you that... not because I seek knowledge of my own time there... but I understood that you were seeking knowledge of your past? Please do forgive me if my understanding is out of date..."

[LittleBird]

Kira's eyes search Christine's until that frown emerges, Kira merely nods and looks away, giving Christine as long as she needs to recompose herself and gather her mind.

"Well, in that case, we are eager to see your dreams become a reality my dear," Kira claps a gloved hand against another at the talk of Christines future tour.

"What topics and emotions did you wish to convey in your poems? Did you compose them especially for the Valentines party or did you hold them before? And what about the others?"

Kira guffaws and brushes her hand once more, "Do not apologise dear Christine, it was all jolly fun-I may have had to censor myself though, the first few renditions in my head were...were a little more lively than I intended," she smirks.

Kira blushes and lowers her head, slickening her hair back and gruffly clearly her throat at the talk of falsettos, "Tis a mere party trick madam, knocks years off my age in the presence of such a divine lady!" she winks.

"In that case, once again, thank you-though I would prefer such knowledge to not spread, not many know that nickname nor the whereabouts of my birth, it makes it easier to keep track-to ensure those in a position of power in the past or those who still hold it in the present can be trusted...sadly some people act as if promises have a use by date, especially to those who are known to be as publicly forgetful as myself, oh well," she murmurs and then looks up hopefully, "Did you ever know my mother during your time there? She was carrying me when she was admitted, and died for my birth-I know nothing but her name, her likeness and why she was brought there...I would love to know who she was,"

[Christine Daye]

Christine's tension lessens. Good... it's starting to feel like they actually are relaxing enough to properly converse, rather than merely dance around each other.

She laughs happily.

"Oh, Mr Kai! Do not ask me such things about my poetry... or my music... for I fear that I should disappoint you... my art stands by itself... I neither explain nor apologise for it... and if you would know more... well... I fear that you shall have to track down one of my muses and ask them to read... for, once given... those words are not my own anymore!"

Another smile, as she starts walking slowly along the riverbank.

"...as for the others... Miss Audley gave romance... as did Mrs Jackdaw... the Captain gave a naughty limerick... and I could not dream to know what was in their hearts when they did so..."

She nods approvingly at Kira's lowered tones, but doesn't comment further. She does sober at the Toreador's final questions though, an expression of sympathy on her face.

"...I'm sorry... I don't think that I can tell you more... I remember... I remember a young woman... who sang... she sounded like you..."

An expression of remembered grief and pain crosses the Malkavian's face, but is quickly smoothed away when she hums to herself:

...every valley shall be exalted... and every mountain and hill made low... the crooked straight and the rough places plain...

[LittleBird]

"Such an answer certainly does not disappoint m'lady. They are not your own as they were always meant for others, how could one ever show disappointment at such a beautiful sentiment Miss Daae," she tips her hat in great respect.

"Do your muses change often? Inspiration can be fleeting to most, muses, it depends on the artist, a pacing fancy or a life long treasure or other... what are they for you?"

"My oh my, sounds like quite the splendid array of pieces, tis a shame to have missed such...oh well, there will always be more pages to be filled in the future, tis rare for peoples lips to truly run dry on the subjects that captivate them so. Though I must admit, I do not believe I am aware of this Captain? If he new in our parts?"


"Yes?" she pulls herself up straighter, "You do not recall her name or saw who brought her?" she looks up a little wide eyed then settles, "of course tis hard to recall more, she was hardly there for long, less then her term with me at least...mmm," she taps her fingers against the curve of her necklace before nodding, "thank you all the same for trying to recall Christine, tis appreciated," she offers a fluttering smile before returning her gaze to the water.

[Christine Daye]

"Oh, no... the ranks of my muses grows... but slowly..." Christine casts a smile back at Helen. "...I am very lucky to have them... my Queen of Shadows... my Fair, Fae Lord... my Lady of Ashes... the King of Faces... though the last... I suspect he will not linger..."

She frowns.

"...and then there is... was the Lost One... nevermore will I write for him... but he is dead... dead and gone... meet me on the battlefield.... even in the darkest night..."

A deep breath, calming herself.

"Captain Jack Rackham? He is of the... family which we met in the woods... though I do not think that he was there? Anyway... rumour has it that he is a pirate! How exciting!"

Another look of sympathy, her voice low, controlled.

"...I am sorry... I never saw her.... only heard her voice... I... I was kept to my cell... "

Unconsciously her hands go to her wrists, rubbing at them gently, as if to ease a hurt there.

[LittleBird]

"How amazing, to have so many vivid souls fill you nights with such wonder and to gift them them the same-" she beams somewhat dreamily, "What does it feel like? That moment you can proudly feel they are your muse?"

"King of Faces?" she asks, not at all certain of these names she has chosen yet she continues none the less. As ignorant as Kira is, her naive hope shines through, in anyway little way to offer a potential thread when such downcast words are shared by one she cares for, "Perhaps your paths are to separate merely to cross again and harbour during another course?" Kira offers hopeful before tilting her head to ask "Why do you feel he will not linger?-

"My sympathies Miss Daae," she bows her head, and slowly rises to place a comforting hand (should she permit it) on Christine's shoulder, "yet why stop in your writings for him? He may be gone yet your memories, you feelings for him clearly are lasting-I know you say you write for others and the words belong to them...but, for once, why not write for another and for yourself too?" her voice again slowly diminishes as her words go on, there are enough pauses, enough time for her sentiments to slowly settle or be interrupted should the singer wish her to cease.

She parts a little distance as Christine takes yet another moment and looks over her shoulder at the thought of a pirate, "My oh my! What adventures he must have under his belt!-we must uncover more here my dear, plenty of opportunities abound no doubt ehhe," her eyes glisten.

"No need to apologise Christine, I thank you for searching through such memories for me-you do not have too...thank you," she offers her hand to Christine and steps away from the water to sit upon the steps, "If you do not mind my asking-When did you leave? Did you make many friends there?"

[Christine Daye]

"...what does it feel like?... I... I don't know if I can explain it... it is... the perfection of a thrilling chord... the sweetness of honey on the tongue... the joy of homecoming... a knowledge that... for better or worse... as long as a mayfly's life.... as short as a star's... my soul sings with their music... and the words flow free..."

She shrugs.

"...and that makes no sense at all... so it goes... as for the King of Faces... I feel that his path and mine diverge... and there is nothing to mourn in that... and no need to worry about it... but we shall see..."

She smiles faintly.

"...another crowned head will replace him... I am beginning to suspect..."

At Kira's approach, Christine gently, but firmly moves away. It's not intended as a snub, it's just that she doesn't like to be touched. Her face is shuttered behind her veil, and she murmurs, her voice rigidly controlled.

"...no... for him... I will write no more... the gates of Heaven barred.... some days... it's hard to see... if I were a fool... or you a thief..."

She looks out over the water, gathering herself. It surprises her still, the grief, the anger. She washes it away in her music, as she always does.

"...made it through a maze to find my one in a million... now you're just a page torn from the story I'm living... and all I gave you is gone... tumbled like it was stone... thought we'd build a dynasty that heaven couldn't shake...
thought we'd build a dynasty like nothing ever made... thought we'd build a dynasty forever couldn't break up..."

It's almost a relief to turn the conversation to Maudlin. The thought of friends there is so incongruous it almost makes her smile. She doesn't take Kira's hand, but does move closer to where the Toreador sits on the steps.

"...I left... when I was released... by my doctor... and friends? ... no... I was not given the chance to make friends.... "

She shrugs again, her tone and body language matter-of-fact.

"...if I might be impertinent enough to ask.... it is a long road from those halls to the Court... how did you find yourself here...?"

[LittleBird]

Kira wraps an arm around herself, turning her head into the crook of her neck as Christine explains such a feeling, "Hmm," she murmurs in deep thought, her eyes falling deeper into the waters and elsewhere. A light smile and chuckle catches her lips at the talk of a star and mayflies life and little joke she spins with it.

"And what does it mean? When someone is not your Muse any longer? Are they still a treasured friend with a new lease in a new area? Or are they to fade until that spark illuminates again?"

"Another to replace?" Kira echos, a little unsure at the thought of replacing someone like that, "Who is the new potential lucky one?" she asks, eager to understand more of this way of life.

Kira slows and halts her step to turn away slightly as Christine does so to, she does not drop her hard suddenly, she does not wish to start Christine, she lets her hand fall slowly, allowing the singer her distance.

some days... it's hard to see... if I were a fool... or you a thief...
Kira sits down at the steps, her face curling into her neck once more, a sniffle almost in her voice as she turns to look at the water, her fingertips tapping more intently at her necklace, the balls of her feet rolling from one to the other almost giving her the appearance of swaying, yet she is trying to keep in time to the noises of the water, the wind, the movements of those around her. Anything.

"You will write no more for him-wrong, you still do. Your voice performs, your mind composes whether tis committed to paper or not. Instead of thinking of it as writing for him, why not think of it as writing for yourself, for all that you need to say, to feel, a spell of a feeling you can spill on ink and then leave in flames, in water, in the ground...for yourself, and what you require," She breathes, just barely concealing a tremble to her tone.

"To see who was foolish, who was wise, who stole and who was stolen...tis impossible when you view is so clouded by the hues they bring out for you, tis a blinding delight, until they're gone, and the constraints of their picture frame are removed...and you can see, you can see the view from a distance you were too close to wonder by before. Locking such feelings will only poison, burying it away only allows the weeds to grow. Of course in Court must be concealed, yet as you said, for balances sake, everything needs to be aired in time, and not all of it is beautiful, not all of it feels good to do, yet it will ease,"

"You were alone? Apologies, I was used to walking the wards, it was near impossible to imagine anyone being alone there, except the quiet souls amongst the yellers of course."

"Maudlin is still running, there are still nurses who are in living memory of me, so it cannot have been that long ago...were there any memories worth keeping of your time there?"

"How did I find myself here? There are still gaps, soo," Kira shrugs, "Well, you know the three who found me bare and prone in the sewers? Who took me in? Who studied me before taking me to Court? Most know how I was found yes?"

"Well, I was in Maudlin until I was about ten? Roughly?-How long ago was that by the way do you recall?" her calm and collected tone changes as she looks rather sheepishly, "I do not know my own age I must admit,"

"Well, anyhow, my Uncle-from my mothers side of course-collected me from the shelves of those nurses. We are still discovering those memories at the moment, but we are close to the end of my time in his estate at least. Between then and now, I am not sure, but I stayed at that estate during my time with him, the little stream of water on the grounds, that one I was told eventually lead to the Thames, was as close as I got away from the cool halls during my time as my Uncles secretary. I had work to do, lessons to learn, and he did have a few friends from time to time I would have to perform for, but none who I'd suspect have ties to our circles...could be wrong on that, we'll see,"

"But still, I digress, whatever brought me from that estate to this new life, I suspect are in memories we will reclaim in time,"