Bird seeks flower

[rhiann90]

He noticed the repulsion. He noticed the accusation. He noticed her control. What they all meant were unknown to him. He decided it was best not to ask. Women are sensitive creatures and need to process.

Jack closed the silver locket and placed it back under his shirt.

"Father wasn't meant to find out. I hadn't even told her until recently as to why I slept during daylight. You may recall a certain... person" he bitterly grinds his teeth. That bastard had ruined so many plans. To make matters worse, Jack had been accused of being that monster that attacked children. He tried not to give into the stirrings in the back of his mind.

"If he had not made targets of children, we would not be having this conversation." Jack looks to the skies, deep in thought. I wish we weren't having this conversation. He rubs his head, the tension getting to him. "I granted her some of my strength, and have had to reveal to her on 'the monsters' being real."

"She is twelve, literally. I have done her a disservice, but that happens when one is a parent." He looks over to Violet, sadness in his eyes. "Sometimes parents do things to protect their children that aren't always best." I have ended up like my own parents. God forgive me.

He continues, "When Father and I were travelling, he wanted to settle here. I started working and on my way home one evening, I found her. Abandoned, in a bundle of rags. I tried to raise her as best I could, even getting lessons for her from an elderly etiquette woman next door. During daylight, she studied and played. Dusk and before dawn was our time. When she slept, I would go to work. I worked hard nights and paid for it. In more ways than one, as you know."

Jack rubs his hands. They are scarred from his life before, but you wouldn't know it. They still looked fresh.

"I didn't want her to know of this life. I had planned on her being taken in by those better than me, which she seemed to desire. I never wanted anyone to find out about her. I wanted her to remain innocent." He grabs her by the arms. Jack looks at Violet with the intensity he is famed for. "It is no excuse for hiding her from you, but I hope you can forgive me."

He pulls Violet in for a hug. "You know how cruel our world is, I didn't want her part of it. I'm sorry."

[Violet Clyntahn]

Violet pulls away from the hug, she can’t not. She can’t pretend that everything is as it should be and her friend words aren’t making her world crumble. This was Lilliana, it didn’t make sense that the friend she looked up to, that she cared for so desperately would also – finishing the thought was impossible. It hurt too much.

Not entirely wanting to cause a scene in a public park she keeps hold of her friend’s arms, looking deep in his eyes begging him to stay calm. If she was going to keep control on this of all topics, so was he damnit.

When she speaks her voice is a whisper. “I wish I hadn’t found out” this was honesty, perhaps her first true honesty of the night and it was crushing her, taking over, spewing words she could no longer contain as if releasing them to the world would make them leave. “I thought Zhaspar was a monster for all he done to me, but even he didn’t do that. He let me keep my innocence, he let me grow”. Her thoughts had sharp edges and every one of them cut her.

This was Lilliana, for all her faults she inspired so much good in Violet, the need to feel, to be more than the cold indifference she was so desperate for when they first met.

“You granted her your strength” Oh god it sickened her to say it, “for your own benefit not hers. Would you truly have me believe you couldn’t keep her safe by any other means? What happens when this isn’t enough for you? When you leave her cold and full of resentment at the life you stole from her?”

[rhiann90]

She had pushed him away, rejecting his hug, and stared deep into his soul. With those eyes. Like daggers that pierce the essence within. Those eyes. Violet always had used them to her advantage, and Jack knew it. That was a sign she needed him calmer. She needed to know whatever she said wouldn't make him unleash his rage, regardless of how painful the words she said were.

"...your own benefit... the life you stole from her?"

Her words stung, like the bite and poison from a snake. It was spreading throughout his body. Violet must have hated him. She rarely brought up Zhaspar, let alone spoke his name. That meant this was serious. He knew he had to be better. She didn't understand. Maybe his words had been confusing when talking about Isabella. It looks like I need to tell her more of my past, to explain better. She looks so... tense. He relaxed his body. He locked his beast away. Jack's voice was calm, like when one is too exhausted to argue anymore.

"Her life is hers. She is still alive- do not mistake that. She is still kine. Once a month I feed her, her 'medicine'." He is trying to choose his words carefully.

"I feared..." he looks at the ground, unable to look at Violet, "my inability to protect her. I am also..."

Jack struggled to reveal this piece of himself. The shame that comes from it. If anyone was listening, they might be able to use this against him. Those eyes though. Violet was begging for answers and this may be his last chance to tell her everything. He bears his fangs and tilts his head back so Violet can see that they are-

"Blunted. My... he..." calling him sire was an insult "he broke my jaw when he turned me so that I could never have a childe. I never had the chance to have a child as a kine, and I will never as a kindred. He left me to fend for myself. It was painful. Worse than when I was in the Militaire at Leipzig. I could handle torture, broken bones, but not the hunger. I vowed to not let that happen to another. It is why when I saw you that night, and you were left alone without any understanding, I befriended you. It is why I resorted to giving my daughter whatever strength I could for when I am unable to be there."

He looks to the moon and swears. The sun used to be his ally. Now he hates the moon as much. The night was his enemy and now his burden. The day was the friend who betrayed him. Would there be another to make him curse his immortality?

"The sun. I can never see the sun. Not like I did before."

[Violet Clyntahn]

The conflict between the need to comfort her friend and the urge to turn away in repulsion left her shaking. It was so easy to live in the bitterness at the life Zhaspar took from her, but the world was changing, turning in on itself, burning at her friends words. For the first time in almost two years she felt something more akin to gratitude at the life he let her keep. At least he let her find herself before he took.

The talk of her friends past intrigued her, a hundred conversations but this was never once one Violet could get close to. Here it was all neatly laid out for her to see. But then he always did know her weaknesses, the way the need to know could overtake her. She pushed the questions aside with a curl of irritation. Was this just a distraction from the child?

She couldn’t think of her as anything else, only “The child”, no name and certainly not daughter. Perhaps pet was more fitting.

“How can you say that? How can you say her life is her’s when you have her bound to you in such a way? You’re keeping her from the chance to grow and you dare to still refer to her as alive?” Shes letting her anger get the better of her and she knows it, treading on dangerous ground.

She takes a deep steadying breath, calming herself. Her words from earlier that week float back to her “We’re all monsters, some of us just hide it better”. There was no-one around to suggest otherwise this time. If she just accepted it as fact, there was no need for anger.

She promised Isaac she would keep Lilliana safe if they met. The very fact that she was here must have meant he agreed to her terms. Now to uphold them, for all their sakes.

Another deep breath, holding back tears this time, a whirlwind of hatred turned inwards. A gentle stroke of her friends arm. “I am so sorry”. And she truly was, in any other situation comfort would have been her first response. Not an afterthought or a necessity to calm them both.

When she speaks this time, her voice is a whisper. “When you leave are you taking the child with you?”

[rhiann90]

The child? Not even mentioning Isabella's name. Violet truly must hate me- she sees me as Zhaspar. She thinks of me as a monster that has captured and tortured an innocent girl, just like it happened to her. Oh Violet...

Jack rubs his hands on the delicate fingers of Violet. Her hands were there to help him, but he felt he had to help her. Honesty is the best policy.

"I have angered you. I have wronged you. Talking of Isabella is clearly making you upset. You fear I am like your Father because I did this to her so young. You are angry because you think me not telling you about her is a betrayal. You are disappointed that my Father told you before I did. I see so much little one. I'm sorry that all this has been placed on you so quickly." Jack's face is full of regret and sympathy. He genuinely felt those emotions. He hated that Violet had been so upset and understood her feelings of betrayal.

He remains calm in his voice and gestures, no beast can be felt now. "I know I get reckless with emotion, it's part of becoming Brujah; my Father is teaching me to be better." He tries his best to reassure Violet. Issac was right, maybe I am a danger to others. Maybe I shouldn't return.

Jack decides to respond to Violet's bitter question. "I plan on taking her with me since you have asked. I hope to show her where my kine family are and the challenges I will have to face as a kindred. If she desires, I will introduce her to them and she can learn to be the way they are."

He feigns a curtsey then walks with perfect posture in a line. Along the ground is a cluster of leaves that he picks up and pretends to fan himself with, melodramatically. His training as a lady of standing was slipping through. The techniques were precise. This was not someone who pretended to know what they were doing.

"Isabella seems to enjoy elocution, etiquette, and all forms of education." He laughs. "I did not." He drops the leaves to the floor nonchalantly. The dirt left on his hands are rubbed onto the sides of his pants- Lilliana's infamous dusting method.

"My step-mother, Louise will more than likely be overjoyed that she finally has a daughter, well great-granddaughter. My brother's have all died. I know not of their families. The second youngest son, Antoine-" he points to himself "had a son with the exact same name and physical characteristics. He shall be bringing his daughter Isabella to return to France for the lovely reunion that is due soon. From there, well, that depends on my daughter and step-mother."

[Violet Clyntahn]

Any other night her friends actions would have made her giggle, but the attempt to lighten the mood was lost on her.

Still so close to the surface his words make Violets anger flair again. To have the nerve to tell her what she was feeling?! Yes he saw, yes they both knew so why mention it? Why feel the need to tell her of the feelings she was trying oh so desperately to ignore?

Her thoughts race, she could match the betrayal. There were so many things she could say now just to hurt, and she was tempted. But this was still Lilliana.

“Even he didn’t…” She doesn’t finish the sentence, momentarily distracted by her own compulsion to defend Zhaspar.

Whilst her friends touch initially calmed her, she could feel her hands starting to shake again.

“When we first met I admired you so much, you know that? I’d have followed you anywhere. I did. Your emotion inspired me, to feel so freely. My world as it was, how could I not be drawn to you?” She stops speaking again, letting the ‘but now’ hang silently in the air between them. She would not speak it, it would hurt them both too much to hear it out loud.

The leaves so recently discarded suddenly seem to hold Violets attention as if they’re the most fascinating thing in the world. Her voice is quiet now, as if far away with her thoughts.

“You haven’t betrayed me” I never knew you enough for that. “But you’re betraying the child, though I'm sure you know that” Please prove me right. “Leave the child with your step-mother? She should be with the kine. Let her grow. You’ll be there and you’ll both be safe, far from here. She won’t need your strength”.

[rhiann90]

That did it. That was what he was looking for. The calmness from Violet was finally broken. She had been trying to control everything- How like a Ventrue she is- and had failed. Relief oozed from Jack's entire body.

"Finally." He emphasises. "Finally you tell me what is bothering you so much about her. You have been tense all evening. It has nearly driven me to risk madness to get you back!"

He laughs heartily then shakes all that rage within off. His normal light-hearted demeanour returns. Lilliana's warm smile slips through.

"I have been weaning her off since it was revealed who was the threat and barely give it to her now. She will be with the kine, with her family, and I hope that she can be as normal and human as possible. She will keep the secret of her parent and, I pray, never have to deal with kindred ever again. I will keep a close eye, from a distance set by her, and be the strength. I won't fear her being in daylight with monsters and a parent being unable to save her. Yes. I admit it. This was my own fear coming through..."

He stopped himself there. That was enough on that topic.

"I can only imagine truly what you feel about me now, but know this: I will never betray you again." He focuses on Violet, "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness nor your friendship, but I will do my maudit hardest not hurt to you again. Whatever you ask, if it is within my means to do so, I will help you. I will try to do what I can. Even if it means answering the most intimate questions; or telling you about secrets that no one else knows- even Issac."

In that final statement, he admitted internal defeat. He had lost so much in this past year; he was desperate to hold onto something purer than the other kindred around him. She made him realise so much about himself and needed that check in place. He needed someone. He needed a friend.

He needed her.

[Violet Clyntahn]

His laughter earns him a glare. Finally?! Finally?! This whole time you’ve been keeping a child as a pet! What reaction were you expecting?! If she wasn’t so invested in the child’s freedom those words would have led to her storming off, Lilliana or not.

Relief spreads through her at his words, wiping away most of the anger, leaving her empty, she lets out an audible sigh in response. The child would be free of this. She doesn’t speak, but his words earn him a smile and an incline of her head.

Loyalty to a memory was all that was keeping her there now, that and a promise. She takes his hand again, and gestures that they start walking. The act a mixture of support and a way to prove to herself she would not walk away, if this was goodbye she would do it properly.

A shake of her head, her voice remains quiet. “I don’t need your secrets.”

This was a lie. Once she would have given anything just to know, to be viewed by Lilliana as completely equal, worthy of her secrets as well as her help. But not now, now Violet was working to protect a memory, one that would only be besmirched more with honesty. She had hurt enough tonight, if whatever truths he had to offer didn’t make it hurt more saying goodbye afterwards surely would.

That and if she was truthful with you, you would have to reveal your own betrayals….Selfish. Whose memory are you protecting?

“You can tell me next time you see me, you won’t have to stay away from Aquae Sulis forever.” The rejection was slight, cushioned in a show of faith and a promise that she would be waiting. They couldn’t just continue as if nothing had happened, there was too much to consider.

“Tell me more of France, are they ever so” She makes a flamboyant gesture with her other hand. The change in subject was clumsy, but she craved lighter conversation.

[rhiann90]

Still, the girl persists with her inner rage. He has lost his friend. Her attempt at small talk makes him internally sigh but outwardly smile. There is a softness in his eyes- he can see Violet's desperation for freedom of this night.

"War," he replies flatly. "France is constantly in a state of war. We are a passionate people and do not like when our leaders become fat and lazy while their people starve and work hard. Or as you put it..." he copies the flamboyant gesture, then winks.

He continues describing his mortal home life. Spending summers at their summer home which was near a field of lavender. "I still struggle to sleep with it near." Beating the boys at sports, his confusion of girls, meeting Napoleon a few times with his father, fighting and being clipped across the ear by his step-mother, he loved being human.

"I miss it, being kine. I want Isabella to be kine and die an old kine. I wish..."

I wish I had died, instead of becoming a vampire. I wish that connard had never turned me. I curse you and hope you are burning in Hell where I put you. I am glad you cannot curse another. I wish things were like they were before this all happened.

"I wish to tell you of my family, before this all happened."

His father, Georges Danton, was guillotined- "the price of revolution".
His mother died in birthing his younger brother, who also did not survive - "the price of love".
His older brother is unknown to him - "the price of death".

Jack laughs at his stepmother's attempt to make him a gentleman- "The way that woman can wield guilt, they should have put her in the army." The seemingly endless summers of education and conversation about topics that were superficial and lacked conviction. He did as he was told, to an extent, back then. Apart from guilt, she also had a quick hand with a cane in it if needs arose- which happened frequently. Jack jokes that celerity would have been much more useful then than now.

"I do not know what Paris is like now, other than the fact it is still ruled by," he spits on the ground, "Francois Villion, the sire of Monsieur Elijah Fredrics."

He sighs. The night is full of melancholy it seems. So much sighing. Perhaps when I return times will be less...

"Perhaps one day you can visit when times are less..."

[Violet Clyntahn]

For all his apparent distaste for his stepmothers methods, something must have stuck. Violet found his ability to turn a reasonably flat question into a whole conversation with minimal input from herself admirable. It was peaceful listening to him speak, with only a small nod of the head or an indistinct noise where appropriate, to encourage him to keep speaking.

It’s not that she wasn’t interested, she could never not be interested, it just felt like too late a reward, the secrets already shared made these ones fall flat. Her excitement to know had left with her anger. She was there purely for Lilliana’s benefit now, why not let the conversation stray into topics less heated.

‘I miss it, being kine’ something about this admittance made her want to sneer, an impulse she quickly controls, such a response would be too...Zhaspar. She buries it quickly, electing to instead squeeze his hand. Perhaps they were both closer to what their ‘parents’ wanted then they realised.

She at least lets out a small giggle at the comment on celerity, letting a glimpse of herself show through.

“By the sounds of it your stepmother and the child will get on very well. They will be happy”.

She gives a small shrug at his final remark, “Perhaps, first I must get released”. There was no point in planning anything beyond that. “You could introduce me to the city much like you did Bath I am sure”. A small smile, memories she’d give anything to re-live without this to taint them.

Yes it was vague, but what more could she say? He’d made it quite clear he had no time for superficial. She couldn’t respond with tales of her own past. Her life as kine was much the same, she had no stories of brothers or mothers, she only had school and her. No. She would not be mentioned. Not now. This night had enough hurt.

As they talked Violet focused on the direction they were walking, she had no desire to take lead in the conversation but choosing which way they walked left her content, leading rather than running along after for a change. She takes them on a large loop of the gardens, bringing them back to the bench where there evening started.